Tell Me Your Story



~It takes a thousand voices
 to tell a single story.~

Native American Proverb

 This is a "cheat" blog.  I've gotten away from blogging and am actually doing some not-so-serious-serious writing thanks to my bestestest friend in funeral service, Mrs. Carrie-I-Am-the-proud-mother-of-the-cutest-happiest-baby-ever-Ewen.

Today I read a reflection at a conference and I thought I would share it with you. I know, I know, it's much more entertaining when I'm actually with you having a visit, but this will have to suffice.

A truly inspiring colleague of mine was doing a presentation about the importance of storytelling in hospice spiritual care. She asked if I could share a reflection, and this is what I wrote (give or take a sentence or two, after all, I do take poetic license wherever I see fit);

Preparing for this talk, I scoured the Internet looking for people's stories about what they learned while providing care for the dying, either as professionals or as friends.  After scrambling for half an hour, I thought, "McDishy!", You have your own stories to tell." Sometimes I am a bear of very little brain.

I have worked directly with people who are dying for over ten years.  I have spent countless hours listening to, and assisting people who are acutely aware that they are dying.  We're all dying, but my clients are much more aware of their limited time to do what they need to, and to tell their stories.

Whenever I share time with someone who is dying, not the time I take to do my assessments, or organize care, or give information, but the time that I spend  listening, I feel like I've provided a priceless service.  Nurses, OT's, PT's, Case Managers, and Physicians come and go with a list of tasks to complete.  When one of us stops and makes time for silence, that's when we, as caregivers give our true gift of self and are offered that same gift from our clients.

I have had the honour of listening to the stories of young children, and seniors who have lived through, and remember both of our great wars.  I have have been taken away by my clients to different countries, cultures, families, and time periods by way of their stories.

Most people bound to bed, are treated as if they have only ever been sick, weak and fragile, but the reality is that they have all lived vital, vibrant lives.  They still have the mortal desire to stamp their presence on the world, and often, storytelling is the last vehicle they have to do this.

I will never forget the story of a woman who spent her early married life by the seashore in England.  For her birthday every year, her husband would cook lamb and they would drink champagne.  He read poetry to her every night.

Thanks to her I believe in true love.

I remember another lady telling me about having to buy a wedding dress before her husband went off to war.  The family had no money, and by way of her youthful good looks and charm, she was able to convince a designer to give her a dress so that she could marry her sweetheart before he left for the war.

Thanks to her I believe in determination.

A gentleman stubbornly allowed me to visit over a period of a year, continually asking what on earth I could help him with, insisting that he was alone and he didn't matter.  For a year, I visited faithfully. On the day that he died, I made a visit, not knowing that it would be my last.  We discussed the death of his younger brother, and how he felt at that time. It was only then that he realized  he had been loved, and was loved now. 

Thanks to him I believe in hope.

A young man, suffering from extremely hard to control pain and symptoms always had a joke for me when I visited.  He smiled because he said there was no point complaining if this was all the time he had left.  He ate candy, and held parties from his hospital bed.  He smiled and laughed, and cried when he needed to.

Thanks to him I believe in the power of positive thinking.

My work is a blessing because I have the benefit of hearing my client's stories.  Each story is a gift with a timeless message.  Each visit is an exchange of stories and energy that cannot happen during any other time of life. 

For every practical thing I can do when I walk into someone's home as a care provider, I learn an infinite number of lessons about humanity, and I hope that my clients learn that they are not forgotten, they are not given up on, and that through their storytelling the meaning of their life becomes more clear. 

Every one of us is a master "Storyteller". We need to take time to tell our stories, because it is by way of this storytelling  we create and enrich our world.

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