Monday, February 21, 2011

A Gnomeo and Juliet Family Day


"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton,
you may as well make it dance."

~George Bernard Shaw~




Ah, good old Family Day. The proverbial bone thrown from a connivingly dictatorial provincial government. Not as conniving and dictatorial as their blue cousins, but very close.  Family day, the holiday in the middle of the vast January-February-March winter doldrums landscape we all look forward to. It was either a day off, or 50% off at the LCBO on Superbowl weekend. This is much less expensive for the government to fund.

What an awe inspiring idea - a day to spend quality time with your family.  As I watched my now almost-taller-than-me-son set up our Wii for the Amazing Race game (which we lost after the second challenge), I got teary. This is it. My family of four never happened. My huge extended family has disbanded, and here I am on Family Day with my family of two. Two is a bit ridiculous to call a family - isn't it?

I looked at my son's frame, his long legs the spitting image of mine at his age, and I smiled. Yes, this was it. This tall pre-teen, my dopey white cat, and my cantankerous parrotlet were my family. Tucked in for the afternoon, we were all happy in our cozy little home.  Kitty the bird was perched half in, and half out of her bird bath, Leonard was curled up on the stool at my feet, and my son was giggling about creating Mii's of myself and his dad.  Life is good.

The morning started with a good sleep-in, which, as you know, is quintessential to any fabulously lazy day.  We struck out for the movie theatre to see, what I'm sure will become a film classic, "Gnomeo and Juliet" (Elton John the executive producer no less).  Surprisingly, the film was a hit with both myself (middle-aged mom and my pre-teen son). Just enough stupidity and kitsch to hook us both and make us laugh.  The previews set us up to see another four films; Hoodwinked Too, Rio, Rango and Winnie the Pooh.  Talk about culture vultures! We're so cool.


If you know me, you can count on my uncanny ability to screw up movie times. I can look up movie information in the paper, on the web, by phone, and always manage to get the times mixed up. Today was no exception. We arrived 45 minutes too early.  With the long sleep-in, I had skipped breakfast hoping to grab a diet pop and popcorn at the theatre. Nothin's says you're an adult like popcorn for breakfast, but hey, I'm just a very old kid. My son, entering his I-need-to-flex-my-preteen-man-muscles has been bugging me for a couple of weeks to take him out for wings.  Nothing says "I'm-a-dude" like chewing meat off a bone. Ick.  

With our 45 minute wait, I noticed a Wild Wings restaurant just across from the theatre. I didn't even bother to ask. I was screwed.  There was no avoiding the tearing-the-meat-off-the-teeny-tiny-bones-with-my-teeth  now. I was starving, and heck, it was family day after all.  Being the cool mom that I am, or the embarrassing mom (depends if you ask my kid, or you ask me), I said, "C'mon kiddo, let's get some lunch". 

"At Wild Wings?", the little man said surprised.  "Yep, I'm starving".

We bellied up to the manly wooden tables, complete with paper towel roll and bucket for the bones. Oh lord. Our selection of wings were the "Brown Eyed Girl". We chose them because they weren't supposed to be spicy, and the song reminds us of my crazy gal-friend Monroe. Wings and potato skins ordered, we watched some curling and read our horoscopes in the paper. My son felt sufficiently satisfied that this was a guy's place to eat, and I sufficiently regretted filling my stomach with greasy wings and potato skins.   I would have much rather tucked in with my popcorn and diet coke, although it likely would have cost more, and left my stomach feeling the same as it felt now - ready for revolt on all borders.

The movie was pretty cute. The story of Romeo and Juliet retold in the land of garden gnomes, except (spoiler comin' up....), no one dies in the end. The Elton John soundtrack was a bit awkward, but how can it be too bad when it's Sir Elton? I mean really, the man is a musical genius, and I love him.  There was on-line dating (Find a Bird), that I could relate to, and monster-truck-like garden tractors that my son could relate to.

I think the lawn tractor was my second-favourite character after the red-over-the-shoulder-thong-wearing-male-gnome. The lawn tractor is "The Terrafirminator - a weapon of grass-destruction". If you watch this and don't laugh, you seriously need to lighten up.

Dinner is on the stove now; my son's favourite sauce and pasta. We'll have some gooey dessert, get out the scrabble board and call it a day. A great day. Macho wings, silly movie, video game, miserable parrotlet, stunned cat, pre-teen kid and mom all added up to one happy family day. So, two isn't such a ridiculous number after all. Two counts. Two makes one great family, with a couple of fuzzy characters tagging along for the ride.

I hope you enjoyed your day, and counted your blessings, whomever they are. How did you spend your Family Day?

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