Life becomes monotonous.
We fall into our daily, weekly, monthly and annual patterns like robots. We work, we exercise, we celebrate birthdays and Hallmark holidays (which in my opinion are highly underrated). Days bleed into weeks and weeks into months. Before you know it, we're saying to our best friends and colleagues, "Can you believe it? It's been five years already!" Life slips by, greased to lightening speed by our work/life routine.
We know from year to year who we will spend our time with. But when that changes, when our relationships are in flux, whether it's due to changing life stages, death, marriage or other major events, our routine is held hostage. We must step back and consider the relationships in our life and re-prioritize. I don't know about you, but I'm not so good at this, and as I age, I'm not getting a whole lot better. It's often during these times when we're in flux, unstable, and redefining ourselves that we mine our joy.
At hospice, I am repeatedly called to witness life changing circumstance. When people ask me about my work, I'm never quite sure what to say. Whether to say I'm always surprised or never surprised. I suppose this is the conundrum of witnessing life transition to death. And what do we really know about those last breaths but that it is part of the mystery of being human? As with birth, there is beauty in this stage of life that cannot be found anywhere else, and I will argue, for anyone experiencing loss it is a significant time of creation .
Recently, I read a Toronto Star review about Stephen Garrett, a speaker and hospice worker. He is quoted as saying, "You’re going to die. That should give you some juice to live", I couldn't agree more.
So while we're here, what is it that gives us that juice? Some people may ask, "What is your passion ?". Quite frankly I'm tired of the over-use and watering down of "passion". Everyone says that their passion is their project du jour, or uses it as an excuse to be the expert-ruin-everyone-else's-experience-jack-ass in social situations. Passion means a strong emotion, love or adoration, and I believe that when we ask what someone's passion is, we're trying to get at something that has developed over a lifetime. Passion is the wrong word. What we want to know is about something or someone that you adore. It is something that you've learned about through experience - making mistakes, attesting to the experience of others, and being humbled by the very vast expanse of everything which that "passion" encompasses. Being passionate about something goes beyond enjoyment. It goes beyond self.
Since the word "passion" is so overused in our society of over-grown-self-indulgent-adults, let's find another word to work with here shall we? How about joy - what brings you great happiness and pleasure? What is your joy?
Joy is exuberant. Joy, by it's very nature wants to reach out and embrace everyone and everything in it's midst. Joy cannot be caged or contained. The essence of joy is to be jubilant, euphoric and triumphant. It may have been years since you - the average Joe/Josephine out there has felt anything close to "euphoric" or "triumphant". Then again, I feel euphoric when I wake up well rested, and manage to read the newspaper during the day. Triumph comes when I have remembered to put underwear on and am on time for work. Ahhh...it's the simple things.
So instead of that overworked, kinda spoiled-I-have-everything-I-could-ever-ask-for-and-more-adult-whiner-word passion, let's start feeling the joy that comes from being good at something. We're all good at something. Sometimes it's just hard to separate what we're good at from what we do; What we do for a living to pay the bills, what we do to keep food on the table, our cars on the road, and have a holiday once in a while.
For instance, I'm notoriously durable, which is a nice way of saying strong and determined, which often comes across as hard. Just ask the love of my life. So, in relationships, this isn't always a great thing, but it makes me really good at being able to help people die in a way they feel is dignified. I am not brought to my knees by the pain and suffering of others. Instead, it is my "durable" nature which makes me good at remaining steadfast and able to function under circumstances where the individuals and their loved ones experiencing the end of life feel too weak or fatigued. I am able to fearlessly go into the mystery of last words, wishes, confessions and breaths.
Do not mistake this for me getting joy out of someone's dying. Do understand this as me getting joy out of the moments where my strengths allow others courage to say and do things they didn't think were possible. Sometimes that looks like simply saying, " I love you," or " I forgive you," or "I'm going to be ok." These moments may not make daily headline news, but they are life altering.
Because I'm able to glimpse the light of joy amidst the suffering of grief, I believe I am a valuable resource for anyone who has experienced, or will experience loss. That's a whole heck of a lot of people. To be able to provide some comfort to the dying and their loved ones brings me joy, and so, I will continue to do this, whether it's by the bedside, or speaking to large groups and businesses to promote end-of-life care. This is my juice.
My good friend and mumster finds joy in being helpful, connecting people, and helping them reach their potential and achieve their dreams. Her CV does not include the titles; motivational speaker, teacher or public relations expert, yet she fulfills all of these rolls from the job description that she has and lives by. This is joy. This is leadership. This is the juice that makes us really go about the business of living.
Both my friend and I have a way of knowing beyond the logical. Margaret Sommerville discusses ways of knowing in her book, The Ethical Imagination. She speaks of knowing through logic, and intuition and experientially. All of these ways of knowing are as valid and valuable as the other. So, more often than not, we do not have a PhD in what gives us joy, but we are excellent at it.
When you are joyful, you cannot help but create joy for others. Whether your joy is inherent in your nine-to-five, put-food-on-the-table work, or not, there is a way to nurture it in yourself and others. Observe yourself, listen to your friends and colleagues. When mining your joy, you won't have to dig too deep because it will be close to the surface. Your joy has not wandered off and gotten lost forever. It is tethered to you and you to it. You will find it. When you do rediscover your joy, you won't be able to help but share it.
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| "Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls" ~Mother Teresa of Calcutta~ |
We fall into our daily, weekly, monthly and annual patterns like robots. We work, we exercise, we celebrate birthdays and Hallmark holidays (which in my opinion are highly underrated). Days bleed into weeks and weeks into months. Before you know it, we're saying to our best friends and colleagues, "Can you believe it? It's been five years already!" Life slips by, greased to lightening speed by our work/life routine.
We know from year to year who we will spend our time with. But when that changes, when our relationships are in flux, whether it's due to changing life stages, death, marriage or other major events, our routine is held hostage. We must step back and consider the relationships in our life and re-prioritize. I don't know about you, but I'm not so good at this, and as I age, I'm not getting a whole lot better. It's often during these times when we're in flux, unstable, and redefining ourselves that we mine our joy.
At hospice, I am repeatedly called to witness life changing circumstance. When people ask me about my work, I'm never quite sure what to say. Whether to say I'm always surprised or never surprised. I suppose this is the conundrum of witnessing life transition to death. And what do we really know about those last breaths but that it is part of the mystery of being human? As with birth, there is beauty in this stage of life that cannot be found anywhere else, and I will argue, for anyone experiencing loss it is a significant time of creation .
Recently, I read a Toronto Star review about Stephen Garrett, a speaker and hospice worker. He is quoted as saying, "You’re going to die. That should give you some juice to live", I couldn't agree more.
So while we're here, what is it that gives us that juice? Some people may ask, "What is your passion ?". Quite frankly I'm tired of the over-use and watering down of "passion". Everyone says that their passion is their project du jour, or uses it as an excuse to be the expert-ruin-everyone-else's-experience-jack-ass in social situations. Passion means a strong emotion, love or adoration, and I believe that when we ask what someone's passion is, we're trying to get at something that has developed over a lifetime. Passion is the wrong word. What we want to know is about something or someone that you adore. It is something that you've learned about through experience - making mistakes, attesting to the experience of others, and being humbled by the very vast expanse of everything which that "passion" encompasses. Being passionate about something goes beyond enjoyment. It goes beyond self.
Since the word "passion" is so overused in our society of over-grown-self-indulgent-adults, let's find another word to work with here shall we? How about joy - what brings you great happiness and pleasure? What is your joy?
Joy is exuberant. Joy, by it's very nature wants to reach out and embrace everyone and everything in it's midst. Joy cannot be caged or contained. The essence of joy is to be jubilant, euphoric and triumphant. It may have been years since you - the average Joe/Josephine out there has felt anything close to "euphoric" or "triumphant". Then again, I feel euphoric when I wake up well rested, and manage to read the newspaper during the day. Triumph comes when I have remembered to put underwear on and am on time for work. Ahhh...it's the simple things.
So instead of that overworked, kinda spoiled-I-have-everything-I-could-ever-ask-for-and-more-adult-whiner-word passion, let's start feeling the joy that comes from being good at something. We're all good at something. Sometimes it's just hard to separate what we're good at from what we do; What we do for a living to pay the bills, what we do to keep food on the table, our cars on the road, and have a holiday once in a while.
For instance, I'm notoriously durable, which is a nice way of saying strong and determined, which often comes across as hard. Just ask the love of my life. So, in relationships, this isn't always a great thing, but it makes me really good at being able to help people die in a way they feel is dignified. I am not brought to my knees by the pain and suffering of others. Instead, it is my "durable" nature which makes me good at remaining steadfast and able to function under circumstances where the individuals and their loved ones experiencing the end of life feel too weak or fatigued. I am able to fearlessly go into the mystery of last words, wishes, confessions and breaths.
Do not mistake this for me getting joy out of someone's dying. Do understand this as me getting joy out of the moments where my strengths allow others courage to say and do things they didn't think were possible. Sometimes that looks like simply saying, " I love you," or " I forgive you," or "I'm going to be ok." These moments may not make daily headline news, but they are life altering.
Because I'm able to glimpse the light of joy amidst the suffering of grief, I believe I am a valuable resource for anyone who has experienced, or will experience loss. That's a whole heck of a lot of people. To be able to provide some comfort to the dying and their loved ones brings me joy, and so, I will continue to do this, whether it's by the bedside, or speaking to large groups and businesses to promote end-of-life care. This is my juice.
My good friend and mumster finds joy in being helpful, connecting people, and helping them reach their potential and achieve their dreams. Her CV does not include the titles; motivational speaker, teacher or public relations expert, yet she fulfills all of these rolls from the job description that she has and lives by. This is joy. This is leadership. This is the juice that makes us really go about the business of living.
Both my friend and I have a way of knowing beyond the logical. Margaret Sommerville discusses ways of knowing in her book, The Ethical Imagination. She speaks of knowing through logic, and intuition and experientially. All of these ways of knowing are as valid and valuable as the other. So, more often than not, we do not have a PhD in what gives us joy, but we are excellent at it.
When you are joyful, you cannot help but create joy for others. Whether your joy is inherent in your nine-to-five, put-food-on-the-table work, or not, there is a way to nurture it in yourself and others. Observe yourself, listen to your friends and colleagues. When mining your joy, you won't have to dig too deep because it will be close to the surface. Your joy has not wandered off and gotten lost forever. It is tethered to you and you to it. You will find it. When you do rediscover your joy, you won't be able to help but share it.
1 comment:
This one was really good & I got it. Keep it up Dish.
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